Now let’s turn our attention to another communication challenge.
This time you’re not offering delicate feedback or iffy stories;
you’re merely going to step into an argument and advocate your
STATE MY PATH 1 37
point of view. It’s the kind of thing you do all the time. You do it
at home, you do it at work, and yes, you’ve even been known to
fire off an opinion or two while standing in line at the DMV.
Unfortunately, as stakes rise and others argue differing
views-and you just know in your heart of hearts that you ‘re
right and they’re wrong-you start pushing too hard. You simply
have to win. There’s too much at risk and only you have the right
ideas. Left to their own devices, others will mess things up. So
when you care a great deal and are sure of your views, you don’t
merely speak-you try to force your opinions on others. Quite
naturally, others resist. You in turn push even harder.
As consultants, we (the authors) watch this kind of thing hap
pen all the time. For instance, seated around the table is a group
of leaders who are starting to debate an important topic. First,
someone hints that she’s the only one with any real insight. Then
someone else starts tossing out facts like so many poisonous
darts. Another-it just so happens someone with critical infor
mation-retreats into silence. As emotions rise, words that were
once carefully chosen and tentatively delivered are now spouted
with an absolute certainty that is typically reserved for claims
that are nailed to church doors or carved on stone tablets.
In the end, nobody is listening, everyone is committed to
silence or violence, and the Pool of Shared Meaning is dry.
Nobody wins.
