Retrace your Path to Action to its source. Identify specific behaviors
that are out of bounds and take note. When you’ve done your home
work, consider the behaviors you noted and make sure the story
you’re telling yourself about these behaviors is important enough for
dialogue. If it is, then Make It Safe and STATE Your Path.
SHOWS NO INITIATIVE
SOME MEMBERS OF MY WORK TEAM do what they’re
asked, but no more. If they run into a problem, they “YEAH, BUT. ..
lake’ one simple slab at fixing it. But if their efforts
don’t pay ofr, thc’y qllit. ”
204 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
The Danger Point
Most people are far more likely to talk about the presence of a
bad behavior than the absence of a good one. When someone
really messes up, leaders and parents alike are compelled to take
action. However, when people simply fail to be excellent, it’s
hard to know what to say.
The Solution
Establish new and higher expectations. Don’t deal with a specific
instance; deal with the overall pattern. If you want someone to
show more initiative, tell him or her. Give specific examples of
when the person ran into a barrier and then backed off after a
single try. Raise the bar and then make it crystal clear what
you’ve done. Jointly brainstorm what the person could have done
to be both more persistent and more creative in coming up with
a solution.
For instance, “I asked you to finish up a task that absolutely
had to be completed before I returned from a trip. You ran into
a problem, tried to get in touch with me, and then simply left a
message with my four-year-old. What could you have done to
track me down on the road?” or “What would it have taken to
create a backup strategy?”
Pay attention to ways you are compensating for someone’s
lack of initiative. Have you made yourself responsible for fol
lowing up? If so, talk with that person about assuming this
responsibility. Have you asked more than one person to take the
same assignment so you can be sure it will get done? If so, talk
to the person originally assigned about reporting progress to you
early so you only need to put someone else on the job when
there’s a clear need for more resources.
Stop acting out your expectations that others won’t take initia
tive. Instead, talk your expectations out and come to agreements
YEAH, BUT 205
that place the responsibility on the team members while giving
you information early enough that you aren’t left high and dry.
SHOWS A PATTERN
IT ISN’T A SINGLE PROBLEM. It’s that I keep having to
talk with people about the same problem. I feel like I u YEA H, BUT…
have to choose between being a nag and putting up
with the problem. Now what?”
The Danger Point
Some crucial conversations go poorly because you’re having the
wrong conversations. You talk to someone who is late for a
meeting for the second time, Then the third. Your blood begins
to boil. Then you bite your lip and give another gentle reminder.
Finally, after your resentment builds up (because you’re telling
yourself an ugly story) , you become violent. You make a sarcas
tic or cutting comment and then end up looking stupid because
the reaction seems way out of line given the minor offense.
If you continue to return to the original problem (coming in
late) without talking about the new problem (failing to live up to
commitments), you’re stuck in “Groundhog Day.” We talk about
this problem using the Groundhog Day movie metaphor. If you
return to the same initial problem, you’re like Bill Murray in the
movie-you’re forced to relive the same situation over and over
rather than deal with the bigger problem. Nothing ever gets
resolved.
