+1 (208) 254-6996 essayswallet@gmail.com

Practice in a training session. For those of you who would like

more material and practice opportunities than you can extract

Don't use plagiarized sources. Get Your Custom Essay on
ractice in a training session. For those of you who would like more material and practice opportunities than you can extract
Just from $13/Page
Order Essay

from a book and other static materials, attend one of our live

training seminars. Give us a call and see if you can either sched­

ule a session at a location near you or bring the training into your


Our training materials library is equipped with a variety of

delivery tools ranging from leader-guided workshops to off-site

intensive courses.

Enhance Your Motive

We all have ideas about how to motivate others, but how do you

motivate yourself? While you may feel 1 00 percent committed to

improving your crucial conversations right now, what can you do

when you’re staring at an angry coworker and your commitment

to improVIDent drops to, say, 1 0 percent?

The truth is that we often need to take steps to ensure that our

most well-founded wishes (those made during peaceful moments

where we’re taking an honest look at the future) survive turbu­

lent, less forward-looking circumstances.

Apply incentives. Start with the obvious. Use incentives. For

example, people going through self-help courses are often

encouraged to put their money where their mouth is. Every time

they fulfill an assignment, they’re given back a portion of their

tuition. On the other hand, if they don’t step up, it costs them.

When incentives are added, results improve fairly dramatically.

So every time you deftly hold a crucial conversation, celebrate

your victory. Treat yourself to something you wouldn’t otherwise

enjoy. And don’t wait for perfection. Celebrate improvement. If

you used to get in a heated argument every time you brought up

a cel-tain problem. and now the interaction is merely tense, enjoy




the victory. Self-improvement is achieved by individuals who

appreciate direction more than those who demand perfection.

Apply disincentives. You might consider disincentives as well.

Take a look at what went on at Stanford a few years back.

Subjects who were trying to lose weight were asked to write a

donation check to an organization they despised. These checks

were then set aside, never to be mailed unless the subjects failed

to live up to their goals-at which point five hundred dollars

was sent to Americans for Nuclear Proliferation or something

equally distasteful to the subject. As predicted, subjects did bet­

ter when they used disincentives.l

Go pUblic. Let others know that you’re trying to routinely

hold crucial conversations. Explain what you’re doing and why.

Over half a century ago, Dr. Kurt Lewin, the father of social psy­

chology, learned that when subjects made a public commitment

to do something, they were more likely to stay the course than if

they kept their wishes to themselves.2 Tell people what your

goals are. Get social pressure working in your favor.

Talk with your boss. If you want to take it a step further, sit

down with your boss and explain your goals. Ask for his or her

support. If you want to put some real teeth into your goal, build

your plan into your performance review. As a leader, you’re almost

always asked to pick one “soft area” listed on your performance

review forms and work on it. Select dialogue. You might as well

tie your plans for improvement into the formal reward system.

Align your personal, family, and organizational goals to a single

goal-improving your dialogue skills.

Remember the costs; focus on the reward. Perhaps the most

predictive piece of social science research ever conducted was

completed with small children and marshmallows. A child was

put in a room and then told that he or she could have either one

marshmallow now or two if he or she was willing to wait until

the adult returned in a few minutes. The adult would then place




one marshmallow in front of the child and exit. Some of the chil­

dren delayed gratification. Others ate the marshmallow right

away. Researchers continued studying these children.

Over the next several decades, the children who had delayed

gratification ended up doing far better in life than those who

hadn’t. They had stronger marriages, made more money, and

were healthier.3 This willingness to do without now in order to

achieve more later turns out to be an all-purpose tool for success.

How did the children who were able to delay gratification

fight off their short-term wishes? First, they looked away from

the scrumptious marshmallow that sat in front of them. No use

torturing themselves with the vision of what they couldn’t have.

Second, they kept telling themselves that if they waited, they

would get two, not one. What could be simpler?

As you step up to a crucial conversation and wonder if it’s

really worth trying out something new and untested, remind

yourself why you’re trying new skills in the first place. Focus on

improved results. Remember what happens when you fall back

on your old methods.

Order your essay today and save 10% with the discount code ESSAYHELP