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When? So far we’ve suggested that when other people appear to

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POWER UP When? So far we’ve suggested that when other people appear to have a story to tel l and facts to share, it’s our job to invite them
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have a story to tel l and facts to share, it’s our job to invite them

 

 

1 48 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

to do so. Our cues are simple: Others are going to silence or vio­

lence. We can see that they’re feeling upset, fearful, or angry. We

can see that if we don’t get at the source of their feelings, we’ll

end up suffering the effects of the feelings. These external reac­

tions are our cues to do whatever it takes to help others retrace

their Paths to Action.

How? We’ve also suggested that whatever we do to invite the

other person to open up and share his or her path, our invitation

must be sincere. As hard as it sounds, we must be sincere in the

face of hostility, fear, or even abuse-which leads us to the next

question.

What? What are we supposed to actually do? What does it

take to get others to share their path-stories and facts alike? In

a word, it requires listening. In order for people to move from

acting on their feelings to talking about their conclusions and

observations, we must listen in a way that makes it safe for oth­

ers to share their intimate thoughts. They must believe that when

they share their thoughts, they won’t offend others or be pun­

ished for speaking frankly.

AMPP

To encourage others to share their paths we’ll use four power lis­

tening tools that can help make it safe for other people to speak

frankly. We call the four skills power listening tools because they

are best remembered with the acronym AMPP-Ask, Mirror,

Paraphrase, and Prime. Luckily, the tools work for both silence

and violence games.

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