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Master My Stories

You’re telling yourself that you deserve more because you did

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Master My Stories You’re telling yourself that you deserve more because you did more to care for your mother and covered unplanned expenses.
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more to care for your mother and covered unplanned expenses.

Retrace your Path to Action to find out what facts are behind the

story you’re telling that’s making you angry.


You need to share your facts and conclusions with your sister in

a way that will make her feel safe telling her story.

YOU: It’s just that I spent a lot of money taking care of Mom

and did a lot of work caring for her instead of bringing in

a nurse. I know you cared about Mom too, but I honestly

feel like I did more in the day-to-day caregiving than you

did, and it only seems fair to use some of what she left us

to repay a part of what I spent. Do you see it differently?

I’d really like to hear.

SISTER: Okay, fine. Why don’t you just send me a bill.

It sounds as though your sister isn’t really okay with this

arrangement. You can tell her voice is tense and her tone is one

of giving in, not of true agreement.

Explore Others ‘ Paths

Since part of your objective is to maintain a good relationship

with your sister, it’s important that she add her meaning to the

pool. Use the AMPP skills to actively explore her views.

YOU: The way you say that makes it sound like maybe that

suggestion isn’t okay with you. [Mirror] Is there some­

thing I’m missing? [Ask]

SISTER: No-if you feel like you deserve more than I do,

you’re probably right.




You: Do you think I’m being unfair? That I’m not acknowl­

edging your contributions? [Prime]

SISTER: It’s just that I know I wasn’t around much in the last

couple of years. I’ve had to travel a lot for work. But I still

visited whenever I could, and I sent money every month

to help contribute to Mom’s care. I offered to help pay to

bring in a nurse if you thought it was necessary. I didn’t

know you felt you had an unfair share of the responsibil­

ity, and it seems like your asking for more money is com­

ing out of nowhere.

You: So you feel like you were doing everything you could

to help out and are surprised that I feel like I should be

compensated? [Paraphrase]

SISTER: Well, yes.

Explore Others ‘ Paths

You understand your sister’s story now and still disagree to a

point. Use the ABC skills to explain how your view differs. You

agree in part with how your sister sees things. Use building to

emphasize what you agree with and to bring up what you dif­

fer on.

You: You’re right. You did a lot to help out, and I realize

that it was expensive to visit as often as you did. I opted

not to pay for professional home health care because

Mom was more comfortable with me taking care of her,

and I didn’t mind that. On top of that, there were some

incidental expenses it doesn’t sound like you were aware

of. The new medication she was on during the last eight­

een months was twice as expensive as the old, and the

insurance only covered a percentage of her hospital stays.

It adds up.




SISTER: So it’s these expenses you’re worried about cover­

ing? Could we go over these expenses to decide how to

cover them?

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