+1 (208) 254-6996 essayswallet@gmail.com

Figure 6-3. Maria’s Path to Action


Don't use plagiarized sources. Get Your Custom Essay on
MASTER MY STORIES 1 0 1 laughs at you. If sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t, then your response isn ‘t hardwired
Just from $13/Page
Order Essay



laughs at you. If sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t,

then your response isn ‘t hardwired. That means something goes

on between others laughing and you feeling. In truth, you tell a

story. You may not remember it, but you tell a story.

Any set of facts can be used to tell an infinite number of sto­

ries. Stories are just that, stories. These fabrications could be

told in any of thousands of different ways . For instance, Maria

could just as easily have decided that Louis didn’t realize she

cared so much about the project. She could have concluded that

Louis was feeling unimportant and this was a way of showing he

was valuable. Or maybe he had been burned in the past because

he hadn’t personally seen through every detail of a project. Any

of these stories would have fit the facts and would have created

very different emotions.

If we take control of our stories, they won’t control us. People

who excel at dialogue are able to influence their emotions during

crucial conversations. They recognize that while it’s true that at

first we are in control of the stories we tell-after all, we do make

them up of our own accord-once they’re told, the stories con­

trol us. They control how we feel and how we act. And as a result,

they control the results we get from our crucial conversations.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can tell different stories

and break the loop. In fact, until we tell different stories, we

cannot break the loop.

If you want improved results from your crucial conversations,

change the stories you tell yourself-even while you’re in the

middle of the fray.


What’s the most effective way to come up with different stories?

The best at dialogue find a way to first slow down and then take

charge of their Path to Action. Here’s how.




Retrace Your Path

To slow down the lightning-quick storytelling process and the

subsequent flow of adrenaline, retrace your Path to Action-one

element at a time. This calls for a bit of mental gymnastics. First

you have to stop what you’re currently doing. Then you have to

get in touch with why you’re doing it. Here’s how to retrace your


• [Act] Notice your behavior. Ask:

Am I in some form of silence or violence?

• [Feel] Get in touch with your feelings.

What emotions are encouraging me to act this way?

• [Tell story] Analyze your stories.

What story is creating these emotions?

• [See/hear] Get back to the facts.

What evidence do I have to support this story?

By retracing your path one element at a time, you put yourself

in a position to think about, question, and change any one or

more of the elements.

Notice You r Behavior

Order your essay today and save 10% with the discount code ESSAYHELP