+1 (208) 254-6996 [email protected]
  

 Invent a Mutual Purpose. If after clarifying everyone’s pur­

poses you are still at odds, see if you can invent a higher or

Don't use plagiarized sources. Get Your Custom Essay on
Invent a Mutual Purpose. If after clarifying everyone’s pur­ poses you are still at odds, see if you can invent a higher or longer-term purpose that is more motivating than the ones that keep you in conflict.
Just from $13/Page
Order Essay

longer-term purpose that is more motivating than the ones

that keep you in conflict.

“I certainly don ‘t want to make winners and losers here. It’s

far better if we can come up with something that doesn ‘t make

one team resent the other one. We’ve voted before or flipped a

coin, and the losers just ended up resenting the winners. I’m

more worried about how we feel about each other than any­

thing else. Let’s make sure that whatever we do, we don ‘t

drive a wedge in our working relationship. ”

• B.rainstorm new strategies. With a clear Mutual Purpose, you

can join forces in searching for a solution that serves everyone.

“So we need to come up with something that doesn’t jeopard­

ize safety and quality and allows your team to attend their col­

league’s wedding on Saturday. My team members don ‘t care

abuut the game a bit. What if we were to work the morning and

 

 

88 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

early afternoon, and then you come in after the game and take

over from there? That way we’ll be able . . . ”

BACK TO YVONNE AND JOTHAM

Let’s end where we started. Yvonne is going to try to move to

dialogue with Jotham. Let’s see how she does at making it safe in

her crucial conversation. First, she’ll use Contrasting to prevent

misunderstanding of her purpose.

YVONNE: Jotham, I’d like to talk about our physical relation­

ship. I’m not doing it to put you on the spot or to suggest

the problem is yours. I’m completely clear that it’s as

much my problem as yours. I’d really like to talk about

it so we can make things better for both of us.

JOTHAM: What’s there to talk about? You don’t want it. I

want it. I’ll try to deal with it.

YVONNE: I think it’s more complicated than that. The way

you act sometimes makes me want to be with you even less.

JOTHAM: If that’s how you feel, why are we pretending we

have a relationship at all?

Okay, what just happened? Remember, we’re exploring

Yvonne’s side of the conversation. She’s the one initiating the

talk. Clearly there’s a lot Jotham could be doing to make things go

better. But she’s not Jotham. What should Yvonne do? She should

focus on what she really wants: to find a way to make things bet­

ter for both of them. Consequently, she shouldn’t respond to the

content of Jotham’s discouraging statement. Rather, she should

look at the safety issue behind it. Why is Jotham starting to with­

draw from the conversation? Two reasons:

• The way Yvonne made her point sounded to him like she was

blaming him for everything.

 

 

MAKE IT SAFE 89

Order your essay today and save 10% with the discount code ESSAYHELP