HOW TO PREPARE FOR A CRUCIAL CONVERSATION
Here’s one last tool to help you organize what we’ve shared about
mastering crucial conversations. This tool will help you prepare
for an upcoming crucial conversation or learn from one that
you’ve already held.
Take a look at the table entitled Coaching for Crucial
Conversations, which follows. The first column in the table lists
the seven dialogue principles we’ve shared. The second column
summarizes the skills associated with each principle. The final
column is the best place to start coaching yourself or others. This
column includes a list of questions that will help you apply spe
cific skills to your conversations.
Coaching for Crucial Conversations
Principle
1. Start with
Heart
(Chapter 3)
2. Learn to
Look
(Chapter 4)
Skil l
Focus on what you
really want.
Refuse the Sucker’s
Choice.
Look for when the
conversation becomes
crucial.
Look for saftey problems.
Look for our own Style
Under Stress.
Crucial Question
What am I acting like
I really want?
What do I really want?
• For me?
• For others?
• For the relationship?
How would I behave if I really did want this?
What do I not want?
How should I go about
getting what I really want
and avoiding what I don’t
want?
Am I going to silence or
violence?
Are others?
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER 1 87
Coaching for Crucial Conversations (Continued)
Principle
3. Make It
Safe
(Chapter 5)
4. Master
My Stories
(Chapter 6)
5. STATE
My Path
(Chapter 7)
6. Explore
Others’
Paths
(Chapter 8)
Skill
Apologize when
appropriate.
Contrast to fix
misunderstanding.
CRIB to get to
Mutual Purpose.
Retrace my Path to
Action.
Separate fact from story.
Watch for Three Clever
Stories.
Tell the rest of the story.
Share your facts.
lell your story.
Ask for others’ paths.
lalk tentatively.
Encourage testing.
Ask.
Mirror.
Earaphrase.
£rimc.
Crucial Question
Why is safety at risk?
• Have I established
Mutual Purpose?
• Am I maintaining
Mutual Respect?
What will I do to rebuild
safety?
What is my story?
What am I pretending not
to know about my role in
the problem?
Why would a reasonable,
rational, and decent person
do this?
What should I do right now
to move toward what I
really want?
Am I really open to others’
views?
Am I talking about the real
issue?
Am I confidently expressing
my own views?
Am I actively exploring
others’ views?
1 88 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
Coaching for Crucial Conversations (Continued)
Principle
7. Move
to Action
(Chapter 9)
Skill
Agree.
Ruild.
Compare.
Decide how you’ll
decide.
Document decisions
and follow up.
let’s See How It Al l Works
Crucial Question
Am I avoiding unnecessary
disagreement?
How will we make
decisions?
Who will do what by when?
