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Explore Others ‘ Paths

Since part of your objective is to maintain a good relationship

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with your sister, it’s important that she add her meaning to the

pool. Use the AMPP skills to actively explore her views.

YOU: The way you say that makes it sound like maybe that

suggestion isn’t okay with you. [Mirror] Is there some­

thing I’m missing? [Ask]

SISTER: No-if you feel like you deserve more than I do,

you’re probably right.




You: Do you think I’m being unfair? That I’m not acknowl­

edging your contributions? [Prime]

SISTER: It’s just that I know I wasn’t around much in the last

couple of years. I’ve had to travel a lot for work. But I still

visited whenever I could, and I sent money every month

to help contribute to Mom’s care. I offered to help pay to

bring in a nurse if you thought it was necessary. I didn’t

know you felt you had an unfair share of the responsibil­

ity, and it seems like your asking for more money is com­

ing out of nowhere.

You: So you feel like you were doing everything you could

to help out and are surprised that I feel like I should be

compensated? [Paraphrase]

SISTER: Well, yes.

Explore Others ‘ Paths

You understand your sister’s story now and still disagree to a

point. Use the ABC skills to explain how your view differs. You

agree in part with how your sister sees things. Use building to

emphasize what you agree with and to bring up what you dif­

fer on.

You: You’re right. You did a lot to help out, and I realize

that it was expensive to visit as often as you did. I opted

not to pay for professional home health care because

Mom was more comfortable with me taking care of her,

and I didn’t mind that. On top of that, there were some

incidental expenses it doesn’t sound like you were aware

of. The new medication she was on during the last eight­

een months was twice as expensive as the old, and the

insurance only covered a percentage of her hospital stays.

It adds up.




SISTER: So it’s these expenses you’re worried about cover­

ing? Could we go over these expenses to decide how to

cover them?

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