+1 (208) 254-6996 [email protected]

AWell, my dear Pangloss,@ said Candide to him, Awhen you were hanged, dissected, whipped, and tugging at the oar, did you continue to think that everything in this world happens for the [email protected]

AI have always abided by my first opinion,@ answered Pangloss; Afor, after all, I am a philosopher, and it would not become me to retract my sentiments; especially as Leibnitz could not be in the wrong: and anyway, the idea of a pre-established harmony is the finest thing in the world, as well as the idea of a plenum and of the submolecular order of all [email protected]

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AWell, my dear Pangloss,@ said Candide to him, Awhen you were hanged, dissected, whipped,
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Chapter 29 – What Manner Candide Found Cunégonde and the Old Woman Again





While Candide, the Baron, Pangloss, Martin, and Cacambo, were relating their several adventures, and reasoning on the contingent or noncontingent events of this world; on causes and effects; on moral and physical evil; on free will and necessity; and on the consolations that may be felt by a person when a slave and chained to an oar in a Turkish galley, they arrived at the house of the Transylvanian prince on the shores of the Propontis. The first objects they beheld there, were Cunégonde and the old woman, who were hanging some tablecloths on a line to dry.

The Baron turned pale at the sight. Even the tender Candide, that affectionate lover, upon seeing his fair Cunégonde all sunburned, with bleary eyes, a withered neck, wrinkled face and arms, all covered with a red scurf, started back with horror; but, not withstanding, recovering himself, he advanced towards her out of good manners. She embraced Candide and her brother; they embraced the old woman, and Candide ransomed them both.

There was a small farm in the neighborhood which the old woman proposed that Candide should buy, as something that would do for them till the company should meet with a more favorable destiny. Cunégonde, not knowing that she had grown ugly, as no one had told her about it, reminded Candide of his promise in so peremptory a manner, that the simple lad did not dare to refuse her; he then acquainted the Baron that he was going to marry his sister.

AI will never suffer,@ said the Baron, Amy sister to be guilty of an action so derogatory to her birth and family; nor will I bear this insolence on your part. No, I never will be reproached that my nephews are not qualified for the first ecclesiastical dignities in Germany; nor shall a sister of mine ever be the wife of any person below the rank of Baron of the [email protected]

Cunégonde flung herself at her brother’s feet, and bedewed them with her tears; but he still continued inflexible.

AYou stupid fellow, said Candide, Ahave I not delivered you from the galleys, paid your ransom, and your sister’s, too, who was a scullion, and is very ugly, and yet condescended to marry her? and will you pretend to oppose the match? If I were to listen only to my anger, I would kill you a second [email protected]

AYou mayest kill me once more,@ said the Baron; Abut you will not marry my sister while

I am [email protected]

Chapter 30 – Conclusion

Candide had, in truth, no great inclination to marry Cunégonde; but the extreme impertinence of the Baron determined him to conclude the match; and Cunégonde pressed him so warmly, that he could not recant. He consulted Pangloss, Martin, and the faithful Cacambo. Pangloss composed an extensive book, by which he proved that the Baron had no right over his sister; and that she might, according to all the laws of the Empire, marry Candide, providing no title to the barony accrued to Candide or his children. Martin argued for throwing the Baron into the sea; Cacambo decided that he must be delivered to the Turkish captain and sent to the galleys; after which he should be conveyed by the first ship to the Father General at Rome. This advice was found to be good; the old woman approved of it, and not a syllable was said to his sister; the business was executed for a little money; and they had the pleasure of tricking a Jesuit, and punishing the pride of a German baron.

It was altogether natural to imagine, that after undergoing so many disasters, Candide, married to his mistress and living with the philosopher Pangloss, the philosopher Martin, the prudent Cacambo, and the old woman, having besides brought home so many diamonds from the country of the ancient Incas, would lead the most agreeable life in the world. But he had been so robbed by the Jews, that he had nothing left but his little farm; his wife, every day growing more and more ugly, became headstrong and insupportable; the old woman was infirm, and more ill-natured yet than Cunégonde. Cacambo, who worked in the garden, and carried the produce of it to sell in Constantinople, was above his labor, and cursed his fate. Pangloss despaired of making a figure in any of the German universities. As for Martin, he was firmly persuaded that a person is equally ill-situated everywhere, and he took things with patience.

Candide, Martin, and Pangloss disputed sometimes about metaphysics and morality. Boats were often seen passing under the windows of the farm laden with effendispashas, and cadis, that were going into banishment to Lemnos, Mytilene and Erzerum. And other cadispashas, and effendis were seen coming back to replace of the exiles and then be driven out in their turns. They saw several heads curiously stuck upon poles, and carried as presents to the Sublime Porte. Such sights gave occasion to frequent dissertations; and when no disputes were in progress, the boredom was so excessive that the old woman ventured one day to tell them:

AI would be glad to know which is worst, to be raped a hundred times by pirates, to have one buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the Bulgarians, to be whipped and hanged at an auto-da-fé, to be dissected, to be chained to an oar in a galley; and, in short, to experience all the miseries through which every one of us hath passed, or to remain here doing [email protected] AThis,@ said Candide, Ais a difficult [email protected]

This discourse gave birth to new reflections, and Martin especially concluded that man was born to live in the convulsions of disquiet, or in the lethargy of idleness. Though Candide did not absolutely agree to this, yet he did not determine anything on that head. Pangloss avowed that he had undergone dreadful sufferings; but having once maintained that everything went on as well as possible, he still maintained it, and at the same time believed nothing of it.

One thing more than ever confirmed Martin in his detestable principles, made Candide hesitate, and embarrassed Pangloss. This was the arrival of Daisy and Brother Gillyflower one day at their farm. The couple had been in the utmost distress; they had very speedily made away with their three thousand piastres; they had parted, been reconciled; quarreled again, been thrown into prison; had made their escape, and at last Brother Gillyflower had turned Turk. Daisy still continued to follow her trade; but she got little or nothing by it.

AI foresaw very well,@ said Martin to Candide Athat your presents would soon be squandered, and only make them more miserable. You and Cacambo have spent millions of piastres, and yet you are not more happy than Brother Gillyflower and [email protected]

[email protected] said Pangloss to Daisy, Ait is Heaven that has brought you here among us, my poor child! Do you know that you have cost me the tip of my nose, one eye, and one ear? What a handsome shape is here! what a world this [email protected]

This new adventure engaged them more deeply than ever in philosophical disputations.

In the neighborhood lived a famous dervish who passed for the best philosopher in

Turkey; they went to consult him: Pangloss, who was their spokesman, addressed him thus:

AMaster, we come to entreat you to tell us why so strange an animal as man has been [email protected]

AWhy do you trouble your head about [email protected] said the dervish; Ais it any business of [email protected]

ABut, Reverend Father,@ said Candide, Athere is a horrible deal of evil on the [email protected]

AWhat does it matter,@ said the dervish, Awhether there is evil or good? When His Highness sends a ship to Egypt does he trouble his head whether the rats in the vessel are at their ease or [email protected]

AWhat must then be [email protected] said Pangloss.

ABe silent,@ answered the dervish.

AI was hoping,@ replied Pangloss, Ato have reasoned a little with you on the causes and effects, on the best of possible worlds, the origin of evil, the nature of the soul, and a pre-established [email protected]

At these words the dervish shut the door in their faces.

During this conversation, news was spread abroad that two viziers of the bench and the mufti had just been strangled at Constantinople, and several of their friends impaled. This catastrophe made a great noise for some hours. Pangloss, Candide, and Martin, as they were returning to the little farm, met with a good-looking old man, who was taking the air at his door, under an alcove formed of the boughs of orange trees. Pangloss, who was as inquisitive as he was disputative, asked him what was the name of the mufti who was lately strangled.

AI cannot tell,@ answered the good old man; AI never knew the name of any mufti, or vizier breathing. I am entirely ignorant of the event you speak of; I presume that in general such as are concerned in public affairs sometimes come to a miserable end; and that they deserve it: but I never inquire what is doing at Constantinople; I am contented with sending thither the produce of my garden, which I cultivate with my own [email protected]

After saying these words, he invited the strangers to come into his house. His two daughters and two sons presented them with sherbet of their own making; besides caymac, heightened with the peels of candied citrons, oranges, lemons, pineapples, pistachio nuts, and Mocha coffee unadulterated with the bad coffee of Batavia or the American islands. After which the two daughters of this good Mussulman perfumed the beards of Candide, Pangloss, and Martin.

AYou must certainly have a vast estate,@ said Candide to the Turk.

AI have no more than twenty acres of ground,@ he replied, Athe whole of which I cultivate myself with the help of my children; and our labor keeps us from three great evilsBidleness, vice, and [email protected]

Candide, as he was returning home, made profound reflections on the Turk’s discourse.

AThis good old man,@ said he to Pangloss and Martin, Aappears to me to have chosen for himself a lot much preferable to that of the six Kings with whom we had the honor to [email protected]

AHuman grandeur,@ said Pangloss, Ais very dangerous, if we believe the testimonies of almost all philosophers; for we find Eglon, King of Moab, was assassinated by Aod; Absalom was hanged by the hair of his head, and run through with three darts; King Nadab, son of Jeroboam, was slain by Baaza; King Ela by Zimri; Okosias by Jehu; Athaliah by Jehoiada; the Kings Jehooiakim, Jeconiah, and Zedekiah, were led into captivity: I need not tell you what was the fate of Croesus, Astyages, Darius, Dionysius of Syracuse, Pyrrhus, Perseus, Hannibal, Jugurtha, Ariovistus, Caesar, Pompey, Nero, Otho, Vitellius, Domitian, Richard II of England,

Edward II, Henry VI, Richard Ill, Mary Stuart, Charles I, the three Henrys of France, and the

Emperor Henry [email protected]

ANeither need you tell me,@ said Candide, Athat we must cultivate our [email protected]

AYou are in the right,@ said Pangloss; Afor when man was put into the garden of Eden, it was with an intent to dress it; and this proves that man was not born to be [email protected]

AWork then without disputing,@ said Martin; Ait is the only way to render life [email protected]

The little society, one and all, entered into this laudable design and set themselves to exert their different talents. The little piece of ground yielded them a plentiful crop. Cunégonde indeed was very ugly, but she became an excellent hand at making pastries: Daisy embroidered; the old woman had the care of the linen. There was none, down to Brother Gillyflower, but did some service; he was a very good carpenter, and became an honest man. Pangloss used now and then to say to Candide:

AThere is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the love of Miss Cunégonde; had you not been put into the Inquisition; had you not traveled over America on foot; had you not run the Baron through the body; and had you not lost all your sheep, which you brought from the good country of El Dorado, you would not have been here to eat marmalade and pistachio [email protected]

AGood speech,@ answered Candide; Abut let us cultivate our [email protected]

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