AIn some things,@ he said, Amen must have deviated from their original innocence; for they were not born wolves and yet they worry one another like beasts of prey. God never gave them twenty-four pounders nor bayonets and yet they have made both to destroy one another. To this account I might add not only bankruptcies but also the law, which seizes on the effects of bankrupts to cheat the [email protected]
AAll this was indispensably necessary,@ replied the one-eyed doctor, Afor private misfortunes make for public benefits; so that the more private misfortunes there are, the greater is the general [email protected]
While he was arguing in this manner, the sky was overcast, the winds blew from the four quarters of the compass, and the ship was assailed by a most terrible tempest, within sight of the port of Lisbon.
Chapter 5 – A Tempest, a Shipwreck, an Earthquake, and What Else Befell Dr. Pangloss, Candide, and Jacques, the Anabaptist
One half of the passengers, weakened and half-dead with the inconceivable anxiety and sickness which the rolling of a vessel at sea occasions through the whole human frame, were lost to all sense of the danger that surrounded them. The others made loud outcries or betook themselves to their prayers; the sails were blown into shreds and the masts were brought by the board. The vessel was a total wreck. Everyone was busily employed, but nobody could be either heard or obeyed. The Anabaptist, being upon deck, lent a helping hand as well as the rest, when a frantic sailor knocked him down speechless; but, not withstanding, with the violence of the blow the tar himself tumbled headfirst overboard and fell upon a piece of the broken mast, which he immediately grasped.
Honest Jacques, forgetting the injury he had so lately received from him, flew to his assistance, and, with great difficulty, hauled him in again, but, not withstanding, in the attempt, was, by a sudden jerk of the ship, thrown overboard himself, in sight of the very fellow whom he had risked his life to save and who took not the least notice of him in this distress. Candide, who beheld all that passed and saw his benefactor one moment rising above water and the next swallowed up by the merciless waves, was preparing to jump after him, but was prevented by the philosopher Pangloss, who demonstrated to him that the roadstead of Lisbon had been made on purpose for the Anabaptist to be drowned there. While he was proving his argument a priori[footnoteRef:10], the ship foundered, and the whole crew perished, except Pangloss, Candide, and the sailor who had been the means of drowning the good Anabaptist. The villain swam ashore; but Pangloss and Candide reached the land upon a plank. [10: An a priori truth is a truth that is not established on the basis of experience but is logically prior to experience, because it is the kind of truth that must be assumed (like rules of logic) if we are to be coherent in speaking about anything at all. Truths arising from experience are termed a posteriori truths. ]
As soon as they had recovered from their surprise and fatigue they walked towards Lisbon; with what little money they had left they thought to save themselves from starving after having escaped drowning.
Scarcely had they ceased to lament the loss of their benefactor and set foot in the city when they perceived that the earth trembled under their feet, and the sea, swelling and foaming in the harbor, began dashing in pieces the vessels that were riding at anchor there. Large sheets of flames and cinders covered the streets and public places; the houses tottered, and were tumbled topsy-turvy even to their foundations, which were themselves destroyed, and thirty thousand inhabitants of both sexes, young and old, were buried beneath the ruins.
AIt must be the Day of Judgment,@ said Candide.
The sailor, defying death in the pursuit of plunder, rushed into the midst of the ruin, where he found some money, with which he got drunk, and, after he had slept himself sober he purchased the favors of the first good-natured wench that came in his way, amidst the ruins of demolished houses and the groans of half-buried and expiring persons.
Pangloss pulled him by the sleeve. AFriend,@ said he, Athis is not right, you trespass against the universal reason, and have mistaken your [email protected]
ADeath and God=s wounds[email protected] answered the other, AI am a sailor and was born at Batavia, and have trampled four times upon the crucifix in as many voyages to Japan; you have come to the wrong person with your universal [email protected]
In the meantime, Candide, who had been wounded by some pieces of stone that fell from the houses, lay stretched in the street, almost covered with rubbish.
AFor God’s sake,@ said he to Pangloss, Aget me a little wine and oil! I am [email protected]
AThis concussion of the earth is no new thing,@ said Pangloss, Athe city of Lima in South America experienced the same last year; the same cause, the same effects; there is certainly a train of sulphur all the way underground from Lima to [email protected]
ANothing is more probable,@ said Candide; Abut for the love of God a little oil and [email protected]
Candide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from a neighboring spring. The next day, in searching among the ruins, they found some food with which they repaired their exhausted strength. After this they assisted the inhabitants in relieving the distressed and wounded. Some, whom they had humanely assisted, gave them as good a dinner as could be expected under such terrible circumstances. The repast, indeed, was mournful, and the company moistened their bread with their tears; but Pangloss endeavored to comfort them under this affliction by affirming that things could not be otherwise that they were.
AAll this,@ he said, Ais for the best end, for if there is a volcano at Lisbon it cannot be elsewhere; and it is impossible but things should be as they are, for everything is for the [email protected]
By the side of the tutor sat a little man dressed in black, who was one of the familiars[footnoteRef:11] of the Inquisition. This person, provoking him with great politeness, said, APossibly, my good sir, you do not believe in original sin; for, if everything is best, there could have been no such thing as the Fall or punishment of [email protected] [11: Undercover agents engaged in ferreting out heretics; Pangloss is the victim of a spiritual [email protected] operation. ]
Your Excellency will pardon me,@ answered Pangloss, still more politely; Afor the Fall of man and the curse consequent thereupon necessarily entered into the system of the best of [email protected]
AThat is as much as to say, sir,@ rejoined the familiar, Ayou do not believe in free [email protected]
AYour Excellency will be so good as to excuse me,@ said Pangloss, Afree will is consistent with absolute necessity; for it was necessary we should be free, for in that the [email protected]
Pangloss was in the midst of his proposition, when the familiar beckoned to his attendant to help him to a glass of port wine.
Chapter 6 – How the Portuguese Made a Superb Auto-Da-Fé to Prevent Any Future Earthquakes, and How
Candide Underwent Public Flagellation
After the earthquake, which had destroyed three-fourths of the city of Lisbon, the sages of that country could think of no means more effectual to preserve the kingdom from utter ruin than to entertain the people with an auto-da-fé[footnoteRef:12], it having been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few people alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible preventive of earthquakes. [12: Literally an Aact of [email protected], involving public confession, foregiveness, and often immolation by fire. ]
In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a fried chicken they were eating[footnoteRef:13]; after dinner they came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and the other for seeming to approve what he had said. They were conducted to separate cool apartments, remote from the glare of the sun. Eight days afterwards they were each dressed in a san-benito, and their heads were adorned with paper miters. The miter and san-benito worn by Candide were painted with flames reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws; but Dr. Pangloss’s devils had both tails and claws, and his flames were upright. [13: Removing the bacon raised the suspicion that they were Jews. ]